Category Archives: Anxiety

Stomach Pains Cause Anxious Moments For Surgery Patient

Posted on June 29, 2015 by | 1 comment

Q:   A few months ago I had a medical emergency that required surgery. I recovered well and everything is fine. The problem is that I am having huge anxiety now every time I feel a pain or any kind of upset stomach. This seems to almost be getting worse and I can convince myself in these times that I have a terminal illness. I know this is silly but I can’t make it stop. Do you have any ideas for me?

A:   Anxiety and/or depression following medical procedures such as surgery is very common. There are many reasons why our brains may perceive disease or injury, and the medical interventions that treat them, as a threat. These include damage to our body, potential threat to our lives, loss of ability, and loss of control over ourselves during surgery or other treatments. We can reason with our brains and tell ourselves that the surgery or treatment worked and that we are now okay, but our brains remain on alert for any sign of a similar threat.

The fact that you are experiencing anxiety when a pain or digestive system upset occurs means that your brain’s alarm system is working well. It is alerting you to the possibility of a threat to your health. The problem is that our alarm systems are all-or-nothing affairs, much like real alarm clocks. Once set they will continue to go off when the event that they have been set for occurs. The good news is that, like an alarm clock, our alarm systems can be re-set. The bad news is that re-setting our alarm systems is a lot more work than turning off the alarm setting on a clock. We need to learn and use strategies for dealing with the thoughts, feelings and physical aspects associated with the anxiety that occurs when we become alarmed. Often we need some help with this, particularly when it has been going on for a long time and is interfering in our day-to-day lives.

Given that you are noticing that your anxiety is not resolving after several months it may be time for you to consider speaking with a professional trained in treating anxiety. In the meantime, talking with someone who has experienced the same type of surgery as you have and is now healthy may help. It will also be helpful to practice relaxation routines and get regular exercise. I hope this gets better for you soon.

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Approach Stress And Depression With Various Techniques

Posted on March 20, 2015 by | Leave a comment

Q:  I am stressed out.  If it’s not one thing, it’s another.  It seems like every single day is me just getting by  I’m being pulled in every direction.  You’d think that after days of that, I would fall into bed and sleep like a log but no, I get into bed and worry, worry, worry.  About the kids.  About my job.  About money.  On and on.  All night long.  My doctor told me ages ago that I had high blood pressure. I’ve been scared to go back to him since.  It feels even higher now.  Some days I’m driving along and think how easy it would be to just drive away and keep on going.  Or to drive into a pole and end it all.  I don’t want to die, really.  I just want to not feel so overwhelmed.  Is this depression?  Should  I be taking antidepressants?

A:  I don’t know about antidepressants, but it sure sounds like it would be a good idea to check back with your doctor about that blood pressure.  Lots of times when there is something physical going on, it can make a difference to how we feel emotionally.  It’s always useful to look after the physical things we are experiencing first, in case some medical intervention is needed .  One can then notice the difference that makes to emotional feelings.   If nothing else, taking some action about that blood pressure will likely feel  a whole lot better than just worrying about it.  Stress and depression are buddies.  If one is present, the other is likely lurking about close by.  Sometimes it’s hard to tell one from the other.  You are having thoughts of “ending it all”, and driving into something.  These are the kind of thoughts that one has when both stress and depression are present.  I gather that you noticed those thoughts, evaluated them, and have decided that you don’t actually want to die.  If you had been saying that you were planning to just drive off, or were figuring out where the best pole to hit was, I would be suggesting that you immediately call the Vancouver Island Crisis Line:  1-888-494-3888, or make an appointment with your doctor,  for some further assistance.  But as you have instead, very cleverly, figured out that you don’t have to believe- or do- everything that you think, other options are open.  Antidepressants are just one of those options. Another is to look at addressing stress and depression using your mind. When a mind is feeling stressed and/or depressed, it is often busy repeating negative thoughts, or going around and around with the same worry thoughts.  Sometimes it’s busy  trying to get things “just right”,  or spending a lot of time rehashing things that have happened in the past. Other times, we know that some particular thing needs to change, and we are avoiding making that change.  And then feel bad about the thing that needs changing.  Whatever the case, getting active about looking at how our mind is dealing with things, is helpful.  If you benefit from self help books, two good selections are “Feeling Good”, by Dr. David Burns, and “Breaking the Patterns of Depression” by Dr. Michael Yapko.  Both are clear, practical approaches to working with depression and stress on your own. Developing a meditation practice is often very helpful.  One can go online for guided meditations.  If you feel the need for a really dedicated strategy to tackle stress and depression, the Stress Reduction Program, which combines Cognitive Behavior Therapy with Mindfulness Meditation, is  an excellent program. Many folks find that talking with someone who understands, and they trust, can be helpful.  If there is no one like that in your life, it may be useful to consult with a counsellor who is trained  to help deal with stress and depression.  I noticed that you mentioned that you worry about money.  The “Shift” program at Pacific Therapy & Consulting is a low cost counselling service that may be able to help. Whatever approach you take, you are on the right track by noticing that things are not easy right now, and deciding to take some action to feel better.  It could be that you experiment with different options – and antidepressants may be one of those options, as you make your way to the one that fits best for you.  Well done for getting started!

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Face What Makes You Anxious

Posted on June 20, 2014 by | Leave a comment

Q:  I walk everywhere.  I know this is stupid, but I’m having the hardest time passing by people.  It’s bad when the other person and I are going in opposite directions.  I hate getting closer and closer until we finally get by each other.  I’ve been known to turn a corner and go a longer route rather than meet someone that way.   What’s worse is when I’m going in the same direction and walk faster than the other person.  I end up walking behind them, rather than passing.  This is especially bad when there is somewhere I need to be.  I’ve missed appointments and been late for dates with friends because I just couldn’t do it.  It’s so embarrassing that here I am writing to a newspaper, rather than talking to someone about it.  Help! 

A:  Not much fun!  It sounds like you are really struggling with some pretty intense anxious feelings.  Most people have some things that make them feel more anxious.  For example, public speaking is something that more people are anxious about than anything else.  No big deal for most people.  It is a big deal though, if you need to do public speaking for some reason, or are making major life decisions, such as not doing work that you would love to do, because of it.

Your level of anxiousness about passing people is a big deal.  You are a walker, and it is pushing you around and getting you to make some decisions that are not in your best interest:  taking a longer route, slowing down so that you are late for important things in your life, not talking about it.  All these things keep Anxiety happy, because you are doing what it wants you do (or not do), rather than what you want.

It is important to note that even though anxiety is pretty intense in those situations, you continue to walk.  Well done.  Even though you feel too embarrassed to talk to someone about this, you’ve written to the newspaper for some help.  Well done.

So let’s look at some things to do to continue your work with this situation.

Give your mind something to focus on – anything, rather than the thought of not wanting to pass the person.   For example, predict how many steps you will walk, (or breaths you will take, or songs you will sing) before you will pass the person.  Put your focus on that.  Congratulate yourself if you are right.  Keep counting to see how many it actually took, if your prediction is off.  Try to develop the skill of getting really good at these predictions, as you do pass people.

Your mind will likely go off in different directions to start with.   So when you notice that, start your count over.  Or, keep going from where you last remember the count being.  It really doesn’t matter.  What does matter, is that you are retraining your mind to focus on what you want to think about, rather than what Anxiety wants you to think about.

Have a plan of what to do when you actually do pass the person.   You can be as creative as you wish.  Maybe plan to look past the person at some spot, and keep your eyes there.   Or put your hands in your pockets and  look down at the ground as you go by them.    Or maybe you look at the person right in the eye and say, “hello” when you pass them.  Have your plan ready, well before you encounter someone.  Try different things out to see what is the most helpful to you.

Anticipate that you will need to practice to get good at this.  And that it is hard.  If it was easy, you would have done it ages ago.  But just because it is hard doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to do it.  It may mean that you initially do it with your hands sweaty, heart pounding, maybe even feeling a little dizzy.  Those sensations are a physical response to the stress of the situation for you.  Anticipate those feelings, and that it will get easier, the more that you do it.

Congratulate yourself for any small gain you make in each situation.

If you are finding that this does not help, consider taking some other steps. Maybe a class, such as the Stress Reduction Program: training in mindfulness meditation, may be up your alley.  Biofeedback may help (check online for biofeedback information, programs, and local distributors).  If/when you do feel comfortable speaking with someone, consult a Registered Clinical Counsellor, or government mental health services.

 

 

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Laying Awake Worrying Won’t Help Hurting Friend

Posted on March 28, 2014 by | Leave a comment

Q:  I have a friend who is having a really rough time.  There are lots of things going on for her both physically and mentally.  I know that she is in pain but there is nothing that I can do about it.  She has to make some choices in her life.  I’m sick of talking about it.  Trouble is, I’m losing sleep over worrying about her troubles.  I lay in bed and think about her suffering.  Over and over in my mind I see and feel her hurt.  I worry about what will happen for her.  I may be sick of talking about her troubles, but I do care about her.  How do I stop this?  It’s not good for me.

A: You are absolutely right in that the worrying about your friend keeping you up at night is not good for you – or your friend.

Worry is often based on false beliefs.  It somehow wants a person to believe that if they think long and hard enough, the problem will be solved.  That a solution will magically emerge.  Or, that there might be a perfect answer to a situation.  Or, that there is a way to solve something in a way that will not be uncomfortable.  That the solution will be easy.  These things are rarely true, if worry is involved.

Your friend will have her own journey through this. 

For yourself, let’s look at some specific strategies to use, to stand up to that worry at night.

First things first.  For the last time, review in your mind if there is anything that you could do (and would be willing to), to change this situation for your friend.  When you really know that there is nothing that you can do, put some energy into that thought. THIS IS UP TO (MY FRIEND).  THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. The act of putting some energy into that thought, and saying it in your mind as a statement of fact, rather than letting it take your energy away, will help you feel less helpless.  It will start to turn the tables on worry, because worry feeds on a person feeling helpless.

 As soon as you find worry sneaking into your thoughts say that thought, with that energy, in your mind.    Initially, you will likely find that you are saying it a lot.  That will reduce as you get more skillful at noticing when worry is creeping in, and stand up to it with that thought more regularly.  Remember that worry is often based in that false belief that if we think about something enough, the problem will be solved.  Nip that false belief in the bud, as often as possible, with as much oomph as possible. 

Now, it will be more possible to use your mind in another way, to feel better about your friend at night, while standing up to worry.  Start by recognizing, as soon as possible when you are in bed, that you are being bothered by worry.  Then, start to imagine your friend bring very comfortable.

 Perhaps you imagine that she has just had a lovely warm bath with lots of bubbles, scented with flowers that she loves.  Every part of her body is soothed.  She is tucked into the bed and every part of her body is supported in a way that she needs and most appreciates. Especially those parts that might be painful. Imagine how good that feels for her. The relief for her.

Put her in a safe place, in your mind, and then add things to her surroundings, for her to be as comfortable as possible.  Maybe you picture her in a feather bed, with a lovely handmade blanket, tucked right up under her chin.  Perhaps you know that she is allergic to feathers and wool, and you design for her instead, a memory foam mattress and blankets in her favorite colors that are non-allergenic.

Maybe you surround her with pictures, scenes, or music .  Perhaps you place her, in her safe place, in a country that she loves.  Allow your mind to look around the space that you create for her, and make it just as pleasing and wonderful as you can.   Take all the time you need.

When you have imagined her as comfy cozy as possible, turn your mind to your own sleep.  If you find worry creeping in again, remind yourself of how comfortable your friend is.  Go over the details of the comfortable and safe place you have created for her.  Then, return your attention to your own sleep.

What matters in this strategy,  is that rather than letting worry have you focus on her situation and suffering, you actively put your mind to positive, comfortable thoughts that YOU choose, rather than what worry chooses.  With your mind more at ease, it is more likely that you will sleep better.  Happy dreams.

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Parents Are “Dreading Kindergarten In The Fall”

Posted on February 20, 2014 by | Leave a comment

Q: We have three children and our middle child, who has just turned five, is having some problems. She gets upset when we try to leave her with anyone else and refuses to go and play if we are anywhere except our own house. She also has trouble going to bed and will try to get one of us to stay with her until she falls asleep. At this point we are dreading kindergarten in the fall. We have tried rewards and we have tried just leaving her to tough it out. Neither has helped. We are looking for new ideas.

A: It sounds like your daughter is experiencing anxiety when she is in situations that require her to be apart from you. This is a frustrating, and fairly common, challenge for parents of young children. The things you have already tried work for some behaviours, but on their own they will not work for anxiety.

When we are anxious about something there are changes in our body and in our thinking. Due to the presence of stress hormones in our bloodstream we experience rapid heartbeat, tense muscles, and rapid, shallow breathing. We feel afraid and our thinking focuses on the fear. When your daughter faces being apart from you these things happen to her.

Helping a child with anxiety is best approached by addressing what is happening in both their body and their mind. When possible it is also helpful to try to reduce the sense of danger ahead of time by preparing the child for a situation in which she could be anxious.

Here are some ideas that can be effective with young children who become anxious when separated from their parents:

–          Provide the child with something that will help them feel close to you when you are not there. This could be something that belongs to you or something that reminds the child of you.

–          Make a recording of yourself singing or reading a story and allow your child to play it when going to bed or when required to be apart from you in the daytime.

–          Make a plan with your child for something you will do together when you return from being away. Suggest that she do something while you are gone to get ready for this.

–          Develop a routine with your child that helps them learn to relax their body. There are children’s books that can help with this.

–          Practice being apart by setting times at home when you are in different areas of the house. Make a game of it and celebrate when she is successful.

I hope that trying some different approaches helps your daughter feel less anxious when apart from you. Sometimes this problem is persistent in spite of everything you try. There are professionals in the community who can help and seeking a referral from your family doctor is a good place to start.

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